Hi all, hope you are all well in this confusing and worrying
time. I work in a secondary school and have received lots of advice in helping
teenagers and their parents with self-isolation over the next few weeks/ months
(who knows?!) and I thought I would share them with you. The thought of trying to navigate this time of heightened anxiety,
lack of contact with their friends and home schooling may fill you with dread.
I have a few tips to share that will hopefully help you all.
Hope these little tips help keep the peace during this hard time.
First things first, remember, you can’t keep giving from an
empty cup. It is so important to look after yourself. Keep doing things that
you love (and schedule times for these things!) so that you can have the
patience to home school…gulp!
Healthy habits:
We are creatures of habit. Self isolation makes this harder.
Our normal routines are thrown out the window but its important to set up these
routines at home. Set a dinner time, bed time, study time etc. Routines help us
all feel in control but are especially important for young people. They help
them to feel safe and in control. Sitting them down and asking
them when they would like to do their school work (unless the school has set
times of course) and when they would like down time is a great way of handing
them that control that they crave. This will make them feel like you trust them and that you treating them like an adult. Obviously, only
doing half an hour of work a day is not enough but letting them choose when
they do it will likely alleviate the stress and arguments. Setting them up a
study space or making them a drink when they start work makes them feel as
though they are not only supported but marks the start to their working day.
Getting outside is so important. Maybe set a time mid
afternoon to have a hot drink in the garden, play with a pet or do something creative. There is a lot of evidence that
nature boosts peoples mood and will help keep the sense of ‘caged animal’ at
bay. Watch out for falling into unhealthy habits:
It can be easy to start withdrawing from others. Maybe set
up a time to skype your friends for your weekly catch up that you would usually
do at your local café. Do not rule out these things and make sure your
teenagers are doing the same.
Looking at the news too often can heighten our anxiety.
Maybe limiting how often you check the news will mean that you are kept up to
date (which is important) but stops the obsessive refreshing.Talking to teenagers:
It is very important to let teenagers speak when they want
to. The worst thing to say is ‘would you like to talk to me about something’.
This initiates a kind of stand off defence which does the complete opposite of
what you are trying to achieve. It is very normal for teenagers to feel very
frustrated and worried during this time. Watch out for signs such as them hanging around you more or
asking you lots of questions.
Open questions create an open conversation (no yes no
questions). For example, ‘I’ve been feeling a bit stressed about work today
there’s just so much to do, how are you feeling?’. Older children may have
picked up false information that increases their worry. Opening up these
conversations and showing your vulnerability encourages them to do the same.
Minimising or dismissing their worries is the worst thing you can do. Teenagers
want to feel heard and sometimes sharing their feelings can be a really
difficult thing for them to do. Sometimes they do not want a solution they just
want to feel that their feelings are valid.
If you notice them becoming worried share things you do that help keep you calm. Things like stepping out into the fresh air, reading or doing some painting. Help them understand why they feel worried or stressed and help them find healthy ways of dealing with these big emotions.
Its important that teenagers have alone time and undisrupted
time to talk with their friends. Setting a time for them to do this will help
them feel connected to others their age. Alone time is important for us all. A
teenager shutting themselves away is not always a call for help but sometimes just a
need to be away for a little while. We all need space!
School work:
We cant all be experts in trigonometry or the norman
conquest. Teenagers do NOT expect you to know the answers either. As I discussed
earlier, setting a routine and a place for them to do their study, and making
the effort to be there when they start their day, will make them feel like they
can ask you for help and brings a sense of you both ‘solving this together’.
Maybe sit with them if you are working from home or find something to sit and
do next to them. This will make them feel less as though you are looking over their
shoulder. Feel free to ask them to help you with your work too. There’s nothing better to boosting a teens ego them asking them for help
with tech. This opens the communication for them to ask you for help too.
Acknowledge that doing school work from home is hard work
and takes a lot of commitment and self discipline. Maybe setting a treat for you to all have mid-afternoon
will keep them ploughing through or making small remarks such as ‘gosh that
looks hard but it looks like you are smashing it! Can I help at all?’ really helps
them feel acknowledged for their efforts.
So to re-cap:
- Look after yourself
- Set routines
- Watch out for unhealthy habits
- Open conversation gently
- Make time for social interaction
- Work together
Websites for further help/ information:
Mental health:
Learning:
Hope these little tips help keep the peace during this hard time.
Much love to you all,
Lozzy 😊
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